I had a horrendous dream the night of November 12, 2009.
I had spent the whole day with my dear boyfriend. It was both good and bad. Tears and smiles.
Near the end of the day we went down to his room, I remember every detail of it.
The knowledge of him most probably having to move hung in the air like a poisonous fog.

In my dream I had decided to go over to his house to see him. I wanted so desperately to see him. I needed to.
No one else was home, just like when I was there previously.
I walked downstairs. It was dark, but I could still see everything. When I walked into his room, my heart broke in two. For he was lain on the floor, bleeding soft red script from his delicate skin. He had dug the blade deep within his wrists. I could tell it had happened recently due to the fact that tears still stained his gorgeous face. He was no longer moving, no words, and no breath.
I walked over to him leisurely, leaned down to his pale body, and placed my quivering lips on his. He was still warm.
I forced myself onto the floor next to him. My body didn't want to move, my joints were stiff, and my heart stopped beating.
I took the blade from him and replaced it with my hand. He didn't clench it, and his hand felt like ice; a feeling that wasn't unfamiliar to me.
I whispered a final "I Love You", and plunged the blade into my chest. The blood seeped through my clothes quickly, dripping to the floor, melting and mixing with the blood of my loved one. I started to cry as I died slowly. The world faded to a grey, then in the end, to black.

I woke up screaming his name. My face wet with tears. But what scared me the most was the fact that I woke up with a knife in my hand. I threw it across the room with all my strength, but it didn't stop what I had already done.
My skin had been carved into, a simple word with complicated meaning cried out its crimson liquid:
" WHY ".
I stopped crying as the pain came to me. It entered my arm like a million needles. Burning my flesh with coals kindled in the devil's hearth.
How can I face him with such a disgraceful wound? How can I face anyone? I couldn't, so I hide it with all of my power and will. Cover it up, and forget about it until it is vanished. Force out the pain with a false smile.
No one would believe that I had done such a thing in my sleep without waking up from it. I myself didn't believe.
Why…